Trying to get a man playing “hard to get”. Here are some tips

Date only the marrying kind.

  • Most men will not consider marriage before they reach the age of commitment
    • For 80% of high school graduates, 23
    • For 80% of college graduates, 26
    • For college men, the high-commitment period is 28-33
    • For men who go to graduate school, 30-36
    • After the age of 37-38, the chances that he’ll commit drops dramatically. After 43, it drops even more
    • A 40+ man who has been married before is more likely to remarry than an equivalent bachelor is to marry
  • Most men will not contemplate marriage until they have been working and living as independent adults for several years (hence the high-commitment periods)
  • Men become likely to marry after they become uncomfortable with the singles scene
    • E.g. They realize that they’ve become the sleazy old guys who hang out at the bars and hit on younger girls
  • Men do have a biological clock, based on their desire to be an active father (especially to their sons)
  • Misc. negative traits and warning signs
    • Men who see marriage as a financial arrangement in which women have the most to gain
    • Men whose parents divorced when they were young
    • Men who live with their parents
  •  Other key facts
    • Men often marry women whose religion, politics, values, and socioeconomic status match theirs
    • Men whose friends and siblings are married are more likely to marry
      • 60% of the newly married men reported that they had a friend who had married within the last year.
      • Those men who didn’t have any married male friends were 2-3 times as likely to say that they weren’t ready to marry.
      • The majority of men who had seen their friends get married said that if they met the right woman, they’d think seriously about getting married.
  • Avoid stringers, men who string along women but never commit. To filter them out, insist that he commit after six months. Then stick to it, no matter what excuses he gives.
  • Consider unpolished jewels, men who are just as nice, intelligent, hard-working, and successful, but lack looks, height, or social skills.
    • a. 88% of men over 50 who were marrying for the first time were marrying divorced women. The women told the researchers that they had already tried the tall, suave, type, and he didn’t make a very good husband.

 

Source: http://bookoutlines.pbworks.com/w/page/14422733/Why%20Men%20Marry%20Some%20Women%20And%20Not%20Others

Original Source: Why Men marry some women and not others by John T. Molloy (the author of “Dress for Success”). This book is based on over 3,000 interviews conducted by Molloy and his researchers.

 

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Are you considering becoming a father when you are older?

Science has been giving mixed feedback on the advantages and disadvantages of being an older father. See the articles in the news of late:

Disadvantage: Older dads linked to rise in genetic disorders

Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19336438

According to Dr Kari Stefansson, of Decode Genetics, who led the research, the results show it is the age of men, rather than women, that is likely to have an effect on the health of the child. “Society has been very focused on the age of the mother. But apart from [Down’s Syndrome] it seems that disorders such as schizophrenia and autism are influenced by the age of the father and not the mother.”

Dr Stefansson’s team sequenced the DNA of 78 parents and their children.This revealed a direct correlation between the number of mutations or slight alterations to the DNA, of the child and the age of their father. The results indicate that a father aged 20 passes, on average, approximately 25 mutations, while a 40-year-old father passes on about 65. The study suggests that for every year a man delays fatherhood, they risk passing two more mutations on to their child. What this means in terms of the impact on the health of the child is unclear. But it does back studies that also show fathers are responsible for mutations and that these mutations increase with age. And, for the first time, these results have been quantified and they show that 97% of all mutations passed on to children are from older fathers.

 

Advantage: Older fathers may pass health benefits through chromosomes

Source: http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2012/06/12/science-telomeres-fathers-aging.html

Some previous studies have associated having longer telomeres with better health and longer lives. Telomeres haven’t been proven to cause those benefits in the general population, but a number of researchers think they may hold secrets for things like longevity and cancer. As you age, telomeres shorten. However, previous studies have shown that the older a man is when he becomes a father, the longer the telomeres his children tend to have. The new research confirms that and finds it’s extended to the grandchildren.

One analysis of about 2,000 people confirmed the idea that the older your dad was when you were born, the longer your telomeres tend to be. That held true throughout the age range of the fathers, who were 15 to 43 at the time their sons or daughters were born. Researchers then extended that another generation: The older your father’s father was when your father was born, the longer your telomeres tend to be. That analysis included 234 grandchildren. A separate analysis found no significant effect from the mother’s father. The telomere contribution from a grandfather adds to the one from the father, researchers found.

 

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Men and modern marriages

Sucks:

Welcome to the world of modern marriage – a world where men’s needs, wants and desires don’t always feature highly on the agenda. Marriage has changed dramatically over the past 40 years since the sociologist Jessie Bernard wrote her influential book, The Future of Marriage. There was his marriage, which offered power and satisfaction, while her marriage brought stress, dissatisfaction and loss of self. Bernard’s depiction of women suffering through marriage as a kind of psychological torture drew on Betty Friedan’s discovery, a decade earlier, of ”the problem that had no name” – wives’ unvoiced frustrations with their confined, housewifely role.

Marriage was good for men and bad for women, Bernard concluded. But has that all changed? Women’s lives and marriages have been transformed, but now many men are wondering if they may be the ones being offered a dud deal. It’s rare that they complain openly about their lot but, beneath the surface, there’s an undercurrent of discontent, suggests the men’s health expert Steve Carroll. But these murmurs of discontent are largely hidden from public view, as was the case back in the 1960s when Betty Friedan wrote in The Feminine Mystique about ”the problem which has no name”. Friedan gave voice to women’s frustrations about the limitations imposed on them by the wifely role and decades of consciousness-raising followed. Now women grasp every opportunity to state their case, loud and clear. Yet most men still lead unexamined lives. Their ”problem which has no name” – marital discontent – remains unexplored. But one day that too will change.

More at http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/7814585/Men-struggle-within-modern-marriage

 

Rocks:

While the earlier article is clearly not a research article, scientists have long argued that marriage is also associated with a large number of positive outcomes, especially for men. Have a look at a research paper about positive outcomes: http://ftp.iza.org/dp998.pdf

Summary: Marriage is positively associated with a large number of outcomes including improved cognitive, emotional and physical well-being for children, better mental and physical health for adults, and greater earnings and consumption for family members. These associations have been documented in hundreds of quantitative studies covering different time periods and different countries. The studies date back to at least the mid-nineteenth century, when William Farr reported an inverse relationship between marriage and mortality in France (referenced in Goldman 1993). More recent evidence on the benefits of marriage has been summarized in a number of influential books, reports and scholarly presentations including those by Glenn et al. (2002), McLanahan and Sandefur (1994), Waite (1995) and Waite and Gallagher (2000).

 

 

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Using Flash Mobs for wedding proposals

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/29/fashion/weddings/using-flash-mobs-for-wedding-proposals.html?_r=4&pagewanted=all

A certain breed of men, and some women, look upon marriage proposals not as an intimate moment between two people, but as an opportunity for a very public, and recordable, display of affection. In an era in which social media and YouTube play an increasingly dominant role, the bar to garnering public notice has never been lower — and higher when it comes to delivering something unique.

Yet when flash mobs come crashing, with swoon-worthy tunes like Bruno Mars’s “Marry You” and choreographed routines by dancers who quickly assemble and just as quickly disperse, the sum is quite often a cinematic moment that is fleeting but everlasting. Even hard-core cynics can be left feeling a little choked up.

Also check up these youtube videos on cool marriage proposals:

1) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EYAUazLI9k

2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnVAE91E7kM

3) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_v7QrIW0zY

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJWlavnM6b0

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The New High-Tech Dating Technology? Its called meeting in a bar

Excepting mymitra.com, online dating services have long promised to help people find a mate by using statistical science to predict personal chemistry. But some of the biggest services are now adding a retro twist.

Several sites are bringing people together the old-fashioned way, with singles parties where people can crowd together at bars while consuming alcohol and flirting.

Site (link):

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Cupid’s Arrow Is Turning Digital

According to research by Michael Rosenfeld from Stanford University and Reuben Thomas from City College of New York, in the early 1990s, less than 1 percent of the population met partners through printed personal advertisements or other commercial intermediaries. By 2005, among single adults Americans who were Internet users and currently seeking a romantic partner, 37 percent had dated online. According to research by Michael Rosenfeld, a professor of sociology at Stanford University, in 2007-2009, 22 percent of heterosexual couples and 61 percent of same-sex couples had found their partners through the Web.

Site (link)

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Humor is an Aphrodisiac

In a survey of 700 American adults by Zoosk,

1) 74% of women think that humor is an aphrodisiac

2) 64% of respondents value humor versus 17% for financial stability

3) 43% like people who act goofy

4) 59% women think that men need to be cautious when cracking jokes.

Source (link)

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Marriage market income effects on Labor Supply

ON MARRIAGE MARKET CONDITIONED INCOME EFFECTS ON LABOR SUPPLY – Shoshana A. Grossbard

With more and more men marrying career women, one expects that marriage market conditions increasingly influence men’s labor supply and men’s productivity at work (a function of hours of work and of the need to compensate women for their household production work work). Men’s decisions regarding productivity and hours of work in the labor force are to some extent the mirror image of the decisions of women. For every woman who specializes in household production there tends to be a man who works harder in the labor force, and vice-versa.

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Women Are More Attracted to Men Whose Feelings Are Unclear

A study published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, finds that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her.

“If we want to know how much Sarah likes Bob, a good predictor is how much she thinks Bob likes her,” write the authors of the paper, Erin R. Whitchurch and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University.

“Numerous popular books advise people not to display their affections too openly to a potential romantic partner and to instead appear choosy and selective,” the authors write. Women in this study made their decisions based on very little information on the men — but in a situation not unlike meeting someone on an internet dating site, which is common these days. “When people first meet, it may be that popular dating advice is correct: Keeping people in the dark about how much we like them will increase how much they think about us and will pique their interest.”

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Hooking Up or Dating: Who Benefits?

Carolyn Bradshaw from James Madison University in Virginia, US, and colleagues explored the reasons that motivate college men and women to hook up or to date, as well as the perceived relative benefits and costs of the two practices.

Even though men initiated significantly more first dates than women, there was no gender difference in the number of first dates or number of hook-ups. For both men and women, the number of hook ups was nearly double the number of first dates.

Overall, both genders showed a preference for traditional dating over hooking up. However, of those students who strongly preferred traditional dating, there were significantly more women than men (41 percent versus 20 percent). Of those who showed a strong preference for hooking up, there were far fewer women than men (2 percent versus 17 percent). However, context mattered: when considering the possibility of a long-term relationship, both women and men preferred dating over hooking up; however, when the possibility of a relationship was not mentioned, men preferred hooking up and women preferred dating.

On the whole, men and women agreed on the benefits and risks of dating and hooking up.

However, there were some notable differences:

  • Women more than men seem to want a relationship. They fear, both in dating and hooking up, that they will become emotionally attached to a partner who is not interested in them.
  • Men more than women seem to value independence. They fear that even in hooking up relationships, which are supposed to be free of commitments, a woman might seek to establish a relationship.

Source (link)

 

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